Short answer…YES. I understand that love should have very little to do with money, but marriage to me is a life long partnership. That partnership is just easier if spouses agree on goals in life, including the monetary ones. Money does matter in marriage.
I have heard way too many awful stories about a husband or wife hiding a huge purchase, opening secret credit cards, or hiding huge sums of debt. These sound like absolute nightmares to me.
The Reason I Dated
When I started dating, it was so I could meet my future husband. I didn’t date just to have a good time or with the idea that I was young and could just mess around. I knew that I wanted a solid marriage that could be based on honesty, sympathy, and a huge dose of initimateness, lol. A partner that would work against our mutual goals of financial security were not options in my mind.
Our Long-Term Goals
Thankfully, Mr. BFS would never jeopardize our future by hiding spending or making purchases we can’t afford. I won’t either. Do we ever argue about money? Of course. We aren’t the same people so we do disagree on the specifics once in a while. BUT, we completely agree on our long-term needs and goals, which is why we work so well on saving together.
For example, we both want early financial independence. Don’t you want to retire early? We want to be able to choose our daily schedules by the time we hit 52. That means we have about 25 years to save up our target 2 million dollars between my 401(k), our Roth IRA, and our Scottrade account. We are planning on my husband’s pension being our starting point when we decide on our retirement budget and the rest being used to fill in any cracks. We use the best tax preparation services to make sure we’re getting all the tax benefits from these categories too.
Retirement is important enough for us to save
30-40% of our total take-home pay
. My husband or I would be devestated if either one of did something that ruined that dream. The fact that I know that we are in it together gives me the security I need to enjoy life.
Would he leave me or would I leave him if one of us ever forgets who the heck we are and hides away $50,000 in credit card debt?
Probably. I know it is not the most romantic idea, but who wants to stay married to a liar?
Our Favorite Example
My favorite example of my ideal marriage would be my husband’s grandparents. After many conversations with his grandma, I found that arguments are normal and communication is key. They talk about everything and budget together. They even have their own small stashes (not secret) to spend at will. They are where I hope Mr. BFS and I still are in 50 years. 🙂
What do you think? Am I being young and naive? I have only been married for 5 years, so what do you more experienced people think?