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Money and My Relationships

Even before I was a blogger, I loved money.  I liked saving it away, splurging on things that made me smile, and I adored talking about it.  I never understood why more people weren’t completely open about it since I learned so much from all of the random conversations I started.  I have come to realize that my transparency has led me into all of the relationships I treasure today.

Meeting my Husband

Throughout my teenage years, I scared off a lot of people by being so open.  At the time I thought I sucked.  I am friendly, have a good sense of humor, and don’t smell, but I could never make a friend with anybody for more than a year at most.  Then I started college.  There are a ton of people even more open than me at college, but my obsession with budgeting was a little off-putting then too.  My husband actually liked talking about plans for money as much as me, which was awesome.  It was even more awesome that his plans included a healthy savings amount too.  We bonded over board games and dreams of a fun but stable life in the future.

Developing Friendships

Despite the huge accomplishment of finding a great partner, I still didn’t form very many lasting friendships with others.  I had to work on keeping alot to myself.  I became a better listener.  I tried to explain that my personal opinions of how I want my life to be don’t mean that I’d judge someone for wanting something different.  I think I really learned how to communicate in my early-mid twenties.

Then I started making friends.  I met some great people in a few board gaming groups and I started developing lasting friendships with individuals as nuts as me but in different ways.  This has worked out very well for us.  I can go on and on about blogging and money, and they actually listen.  Then I really listen to anything and everything they want to talk about too.  I think my budget-love is actually rubbing off on a couple of them, but they’ll never admit it. Curious about blogging? Learn more: How much money can you make blogging?

In the end, my transparent personality about everything including cash actually helped me weed out a ton of people from my life that weren’t a good fit anyway. In other words I wasn’t trying to learn how to start an anonymous blog.  If I wanted to chit-chat with small talk my whole life, I just needed to remain quiet and composed.  But to find the people that fit into the puzzle of my life, I had to continue being myself and see what stuck, lol.

If you have a passion, share it.  The people you want in your life will stick around and the rest weren’t a good fit anyway.  If I can find a support network of my own even though I talk about blogging on the best blog sites for writers, my husband, my dogs, and money 90% of the time, anybody can find great relationships.

Have you ever tried to change yourself for others?  Did you realize that you didn’t want to ?  How did it work out?

24 thoughts on “Money and My Relationships”

  1. MoneyforCollegePro

    One of my favorite quotes ever “Be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” – Dr. Suess

  2. Michelle

    I have a similar problem. I have 7 really close friends that I grew up with since grade school but have only made 1 close friend (besides my husband) since I graduated highschool.
    I wish I could pin point my “problem” but if I had guess I would think its because I am a strong type-A personality that doesn’t like to fit into the “girl” mold. I like to talk about sports and cars (which was good for making guy friends but was off putting for girls) and I tend to be argumentative.
    I do try to reign myself in when I am around new people but so far that isnt working 🙁

  3. Hunter @ Financially Consumed

    I enjoy getting in the weeds about various financial topics too, but I choose my audience very selectively. It has to be a sharing type conversation, a one-way dialogue will only build resentment. My life partner is a lot like me in this respect, and I’m sure this is one of the reasons we chose each other.

  4. 20's Finances

    First off, my wife and I love board games and enjoy using them to build great friendships. Secondly, that is a great point about being clear with friends that you don’t judge them for their personal choices. I will have to remember that. 🙂

  5. I don’t talk about finances much with others because it often makes them uncomfortable. If they bring up the topic I am willing to share. We have strong family ties and spend most of our time with family. We offer advice to our grown kids sometimes but try to let them make their own decisions. I must admit I’m not that excited about money, but I do get excited about other topics like education, raising children, creativity, travel, and history. That’s not everyone’s cup of tea either, but I’m ok with that. It seems we end up with friends that we share particular interests with and others with whom we share other interests.

  6. Jeff @ Sustainable life blog

    Like Hunter, I like to talk about money, but I really have to pick who I talk about it with. One of my friends and I talk about our quest to pay off cc debt (He just finished his off) and I told him how awesome it was to do that. A few others, however, just dont seem to find it a worthwhile idea, so I try to avoid the topic with them so I dont come off a judgmental.

  7. Ashley @ Money Talks

    I’m working on being more authentic. It’s surprisingly hard. You hear your whole life “Be yourself” but then there so many messages that try to fit you into a mold… so many “shoulds”. But I finally decided this is MY LIFE! My life. Not their life. It’s huge rejection when you are being authentic and someone doesn’t like you. When you are hiding your true self and someone doesn’t like you then you have that padding of “well, they don’t really know me.” But when you are out there in all your glory you just have to deal with the fact that not everyone is going to like it. Too bad for them! If you look around all the truly successful people are doing what they love and doing it their way.

  8. Suba

    I love money a little too much 🙂 Not just actual money, talking about, working with different numbers… So far it has not affected my relationship one way or the others, because I generally don’t talk much at all unless someone keeps pinching me lol, let alone talk about money. I like talking about our finances, plans and everything that comes with it to my husband. We talk about it a LOT. We even schedule financial dates to just discuss budget/spending/portfolio performance every month.

  9. Jenna, Adaptu Community Manager

    I think everyone changes themselves in middle school and high school. My mom always jokes that I was always more comfortable in my own skin compared to my peers. However, I never knew who’s skin I was in. Like you being open and honest has given me the ability to remove friends that weren’t good for me as well as work towards securing friends that more aligned with my personality.

  10. krantcents

    I don’t think I change, but I may compromise. I look for people who may have something in common with me. I managed to have very long friendships over my life. My wife and I have similar goals financially, retirement and with our children. We have had a very long relationship for over 43 years.

  11. Crystal @ BFS

    @MoneyforCollegePro, I love that quote! It is my new favorite!

    @Michelle, let go of the reigns and let yourself loose – see the quote above your comment, lol.

    @Hunter, I also don’t believe in going on and on when someone obviously isn’t interested, but I also rather not hang out with the uninterested…if I can listen attentatively to countless stories about children, they can at least try to understand my obsession with blogging, lol. 🙂

    @20s Finances, what do you two play? We are big into games like Power Grid, Ticket to Ride, Seven Wonders, etc…Euro games. 🙂

    @Maggie, so true. I have friends who like pets and friends who like money and friends who want to chat about our men, lol. Friends for all subjects…

    @Jeff, that’s where I get into trouble…it is so hard for me not to say something to my friends that take up expensive habits while in debt…

    @Ashley, I hope I am getting to know the authentic you. I think you’re hilarious.

    @Suba, yeah, I love making money, but I meant that I like talking about it even more. My husband and I talk about our budget and our money at least two-three times a month. He is LOVING my new income but wants me to scale back so I get perky again. His exact words yesterday, “If making $7000 a month is causing you this much stress, just quit some stuff. I rather you be happy and making your needed $4000 than be all stressed and doubling up.” He’s adorable when he’s worried…

    @Jenna, yep, it’s a process.

    @krantcents, I love that you and Mrs. KC have been together so long! It always gives me hope to see couples staying together through it all.

  12. retirebyforty

    I still keep in contact with many of my college buddies that I met in the freshman dorm. We went through a lot of growing experience together and that is our bond. I haven’t made many lifelong friends since college though. It seems people keep passing though each others’ lives and we are all too busy to make an impression. BTW, I’ve known my wife for almost 20 years. 🙂

  13. Shannyn @frugalbeautiful.com

    Ah, this gives me hope! I have been on so many awkward dates that have gone south simply because they find out I like to write about money and find topics like debt, education and investing to be so fascinating! I don’t think all of it has to be taboo, and I’ll ALL about being open, honest and upfront from the get go about money. Culturally, I think we have accepted openness about our relationships/love/sex more than we have about our money which can still be seen as taboo.

    It’s been on my mind if I’m just a weirdo or if I’m dooming myself to singledom because I’m such a nerd when it comes to this subject, but you give me hope, there’s gotta be a single guy out there who will dig these conversations! 🙂

  14. Molly

    “I became a better listener. I tried to explain that my personal opinions of how I want my life to be don’t mean that I’d judge someone for wanting something different.”
    As an opinionated ‘talker’ I’ve finally learned this lesson. I have a few friends who are real talkers and we are good about reminding each other (gently) to let the introverts have time to speak too.

  15. Briana @ 20 & Engaged

    I’ve tried to change myself for others and realized it was my life not theirs, so I decided to just eliminate them from my life. I learned it was for the best 🙂

  16. ODWO

    “…. I had to continue being myself and see what stuck, lol….”

    I think you found the secret to happiness, incl’ing work (if I read between the lines of that thought). No doubt all the rest is just a bonus. 🙂

    WTG Crystal.

  17. Crystal @ BFS

    @retireby40, awww, 20 years is like 2/3 of my life!

    @Shannyn, don’t give up! There is a pf geek made just for you and visa versa out there!

    @Molly, lol, I actually tell myself in my head to take extra long breaths just to see if the quieter people in the room might chime in. I also start asking them questions to get them chatty. 🙂

    @Briana, exactly.

    @ODWO, thanks!

  18. Evan

    One of my favorite sayings is on the base of the Temple of Apollo in Delphi Greece,

    γνῶθι σεαυτόν

    No I don’t know how to pronounce it…but it means Know Thyself! Written thousands of years before Christ was born!

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