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Hiding Spending

After reading just a few stories of people hiding their spending from their significant others in this article at CNNMoney.com, I feel unbelievably lucky. 

I couldn’t imagine wanting to hide receipts or credit card bills.  I’d be devastated if Mr. BFS ever did that either.  Isn’t it just a different form of lying?  Isn’t lying a death sentence on a relationship?

Take a look at this example from the article:

When I go and splurge on Jimmy Choos or Manolos, I never ask for the box, I bring a big enough purse and just put them in my bag. I put them under the carpet in my car and wait until is walking the dog and then they make it into the closet. After so many pairs, it’s hard to hide them.

or

I stash things in the guest bedroom. Christmas is a great time to bring extra gifts and purchases into the house. I can slip purchases in under the tree. Santa always is very generous. But I get why my husband’s upset, I definitely over shop.

Seriously?!  Yep, I totally want to spend my adult life sneaking around behind my husband’s back to hide something I bought that I didn’t even need…can you feel my sarcasm? 

Even if we were talking about something more exciting to me than shoes, I couldn’t imagine hiding it from my hubby.  Heck, I feel slightly guilty just for hiding Christmas gifts, lol.  I definitely would not enjoy my life as much if I was keeping secrets all of the time – I think my stomach would be in a constant knot.  I also think this would lead to marriage problems.

I understand that every marriage is different, but I think that honesty is universal.  Wouldn’t you be mad and hurt if you found out your significant other was hiding something like secret spending from you?  I’d be even more mad since the money they were spending meant we weren’t going to hit our savings goals.

What do you think?  Do you know of any other secret spending stories to add?

24 thoughts on “Hiding Spending”

  1. Nicole

    I feel sorry for couples that have to do that. They must be missing trust and self-control, which is sad.

  2. Mercedes

    I would wonder what other issues are going on in a a marriage like that. I’m with you, hiding spending like that is just plain lying, and obviously these aren’t things that these women needed if they can wait ’til Christmas to unveil them, or wait until their husband is walking the dog (out of visual range) to bring the item into the house.

  3. Kevin @ Thousandaire.com

    This would be horrible to have to live this life. I can’t imagine hiding stuff so basic from the person you love and have theoretically devoted your life to.

  4. Finanzas Personales

    The basic foundation of a relationship is trust and spending behind the others’ back violates this principle. Besides, one person spending means two people (at least) or a whole family, whenever there are children involved, won’t get to the financial situation they desire as easily… of course I’m assuming families have a financial goal and are working towards it.

  5. Crystal @ BFS

    @Nicole, yeah, I feel sorry for them too…

    @Mercedes, I am right there with you.

    @Kevin, I couldn’t imagine doing this either.

    @Finanzas Personales, I was thinking about the long-term consequences too…

  6. Evan

    What a ridiculous situation! Who wants to live their life sneaking around their partner?

  7. krantcents

    I think it is amazing that a woman can hide a pair of shoes that cost upward of $500 and the bill is not noticed! I guess it is all relative. As an old married guy (42 yrs), I don’t keep secrets from my wife and I don’t think she does with me.

  8. JT McGee

    The best part of the whole deal is that they would probably have MORE to spend in COMFORT if they’d both sit down and discuss their finances. When you have two people spending freely from the same pool, chances are pretty good that pool runs dry way too often.

  9. Charles

    I’m sure Mr BFS will understand if you decide to secretly buy him Total War Shogun 2 in advance.

  10. My Money Mess

    I saw that article and the only thing I thought was that their relationships must not be so good if they feel they have to be dishonest about their spending.

  11. IPA @ investmentpropertyasset.com

    Just plain crazy! My wife and I are open about the money we spend on ourselves. Usually it’s my wife buying clothes for the kids off the clearance rack!

  12. MoneyCone

    She has her priorities! Jimmy Choos over husband!

  13. retireby40

    Hahaha. Our 1,000 sq ft. condo is too small to hide anything. Anyway, I drive the Mrs. to the shoe store. 🙂

  14. Squirrelers

    That type of behavior totally goes against the spirit of marriage. People should be honest, first and foremost, and be a team.

  15. Money for Regular People

    There was an interesting article on “Marital Infidelity” published recently where at the beginning of the article it said that 3 in 10 spouses polled admitted to having committed financial infidelity. Yet as you read on it’s interesting to note that almost twice that (58%) admitted to having hidden or otherwise not disclosed cash to their spouse. The lesson: unless you have self-awareness then as a spouse you’re likely committing twice the financial shenanigans that you’re actually admitting to yourself!

  16. Everyday Tips

    I cannot imagine living like that. I wonder though if ‘getting away with it’ is part of the allure?

  17. First Gen American

    That’s tough. I would feel violated if it happened to me. We don’t ask each other permission about buying things, but usually if we want to buy a big ticket item, we tell each other about it first.

  18. Crystal @ BFS

    It sounds like all of you have honest relationships too. Hiding stuff is just unhealthy…

  19. Little House

    Years ago my two roommates were engaged and only a few months from their wedding date. My friend (the soon to be bride) was working her way out of credit card debt and she and I went to a sale at a department store. When we got home she pleaded with me to not tell her soon to be groom that we went shopping, because she wasn’t suppose to be spending any money. She would hide things until one day the mysteriously appeared in her closet with a “oh, this old thing?” comment. They’ve now been married 15 years, but I know she’s still doing this. I couldn’t imagine doing this, but then again I’m in control of our finances. And my husband can’t get away with anything since we share accounts, I can see where he’s been – a little like mapping his movements. 😉

  20. Crystal @ BFS

    @Little House, yuck, just listening to all of these stories feels a little slimy, lol. Mr. BFS and I share accounts too, so stuff like this would be hard to hide anyway, but I honestly don’t know why anyone would want to…it’s hard enough to make a relationship work when both parties are open, why poke the bear?

  21. Molly On Money

    It’s immature behavior. It’s what kids do. We decide to grow up or we decide not to.

  22. Crystal @ BFS

    @Molly, true. I just wonder why they bother to be in relationships at all?

  23. Layla

    I don’t think my conscience would let me keep that secret.

    He’d be like “so how was your day?”

    And I’d be all like “ummm it was good? ummmm I uh mmm bought some new boots and ummm they were a bit expensive?”

    (My voice goes like a question when I’m admitting something. As a kid, I was always like “ok, yes I might have had two 2-bite brownies right before supper?”)

    Anyway nice blog; I found it through fabulouslybroke’s blog.

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